Hi hi I am back to the living since my illness and my trip to Japan. And honestly I feel really lost!! HELP! I am still living, breathing, moving, doing individual but I have a total loss of meaning and purpose in whatever that is going on around or inside of me. It’s a eeky feeling that I want to get rid of… how do you start living again?
Have u ever watched some tv show where everyone is the background is rushing around like ants on a hot pan and there is just one joker who is like moving in slow motion? That’s me. I am so tired of going through this whole process again of finding meaning and purpose in the work that I do. In fact, I pretty much think that my colleagues have got enough of me going through this over and over again. I don’t want to complain too much – it makes me lose credibility.
But this whole thing sucks. I don’t know how to tell someone honestly that I got enough of what I am doing already. I want to get out of here. I dread to say that I want to do something else, quit or something but that would imply that I am giving up on everything I have built on this passed one year. Everything I made myself believe in, things I made people believe in… It would mean that I was wrong all these while… was I?
Can’t say I want a break… I have been having so much breaks it hurts. I am just really lost in the motion. Totally clueless about life right now. And I suppose it all boils down to going back to God. Goodness I cannot remember when was the last time I actually read the Bible or did any Bible study. Way out of touch and I suppose this is the result of being away from the vine.