Some breathing space
I kept a record of thanksgiving to God since the day I married Theo. I was glad to add no. 20 and no. 21 today..
I was supposed to meet a client in Toa Payoh on Fri.. however that guy duaed me again for like the 3000th time. Anyway since i was in the area i dropped by the HDB Hub and to my surprise, apparently they had just started the Walk In Selection System for houses in the established estates.
I took a brochure and scanned through it and made quick calculations. There’s a place in Pasir Ris that is close to Theo’s house, is big and best part is very affordable. In fact if everything goes well I might even get the place in 3mths’ time!! It feels like quite a rush decision actually and I would like to take time to pray about it…
However time is so short esp since application just started on 2 June and im afraid other pple may take that place up. But the flat seems so ‘just nice’.. If you know what i mean. And Theo and his parents are for it. In fact my bro and mum are for it when they think about the economic benefits.
Of course, my bro doesn’t want me to have my own place for two reasons. The surface reason is that he thinks I am not capable now.. esp with the baby coming blah blah.. And the underlying because he doesn’t want me to move out at all. Still wants me around to baby him.
Haiz… Anyway later when he realised that it’s actually a good buy, he thot why not we apply for a bigger flat and live together everyone? Man! Doesn’t he get the idea that i want my independence and my own SPACE? Doesn’t anyone in the family realise that? Mum has been telling me things like if Theo is going to remain like this (totally aloof to my family) I might as well just F*** him one side and be by myself… Oh how supportive… Just barely one month in my marriage, i get this from my own mother.
It’s not that I dun care for whatever my family is telling me. they have hurts and needs but i just don’t want to keep being there to nurse them or fill the hole. It’s like whatever they tell me, I discount it because i know their pattern… things just doesn’t seem like what they say.. only the practical things are said… the emotional part is always left silent. It’s freaking irritaing, knowing that they have their own agendas not mine at heart.
Theo’s family isn’t the best alternative either. That’s why i can’t wait to get my own place. My brother thinks i’ve sold my soul to the Lees.. He gotta to be kidding. I am not happy in Theo’s place. I am only putting up because i have to.
His dad is like this unspeaking strict, thrifty disciplinarian… and his mother this fussy, picky lady who automatically assumes im responsible for every error in the household chores. Only his brothers are nice pple to be around. Even theo isn’t the best of coy at home. He behaves like a spolit king and im supposed to serve him and his household… He can go and eat shit.
Which brings me to my 2nd thanksgiving. Went to church today. In desperation I asked God to speak to Theo today about marriage or something. I didn’t want to be the demanding wife u know. Like telling him how a husband should be, yada yada. And i didn’t want to complain like mad, afterall I am really learning to show patience, love and gentleness in spirit.
Anyway I realised the sermon title was ‘How to land safely after a spiritual high’ as our church just ended a time of revival. So much for marriage. The strange miracle was that the pastor actually brought in the idea of first love for our spouses…. likened to our first love for God. I think the message spoke to Theo and we had a really good Sunday together… since our wedding.
Praise the Lord! Really thank God for paving the way for me in this marriage bit by bit…. Have to say I have had to put up with alot from Theo’s parents and mine as well…. and Theo the main bulk of it… But strangely in seeking God daily and persevering to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit, God has manifested Himself in such a way i never thought possible.
And in fact, I didn’t think the message would have been so effective if i had been nagging and complaining to Theo and sulking and not doing any housework. So perhaps that’s the model of marriage that God had always in mind. That the woman would not vie for control. But to do her rightful duty to the family and to the husband and God would handle the man in His own ways. Thank God that Theo’s heart is soft enough to listen.
Well in times like this, have to give thanks for all the little things. Tmr going to apply for the flat.. let’s see how it goes… just find time to seek Him first. A house is a big commitment… but one im dying to have….
2 thoughts on “Some breathing space”
pray that Theo will be able to understand fully what you are going thru at this phase of the marriage and may God continue to bless the both of your union. take care! 🙂
Sad story. I’m glad to see there are strong people in the world to take such hardships in life.
Best wishes in your life and pregnancy. I hope you get the understanding you yearn for. God bless you.