A Second Life

It has been almost two years since i last wrote in my blog. As i was putting Joel to sleep, I suddenly thought of my blog and decided to come online to have a look at it. I didn’t know I actually had that many people views from people. LOL. I think I should briefly post some updates on my life since that drastic day which turned my life around.

I thank God everyday that i never took my life during that period of time in my third trimester of my pregnancy. I cried myself to sleep every night because Theo was totally indifferent towards me. He tried to immerse himself in everything other than trying to work things out with me or even being supportive.

Somehow along the way we did come by a flat though and bought it. Thank God we got it at a really good price because the previous owners were in a financial fix and needed to offload it asap. So we kinda got involved in fixing up the place to move in. I thought I finally found something to be happy about. I was suffering in Theo’s house. I wasn’t happy at all and his mum treated me like some free maid.

Then Joel arrived in Oct 2005 and my life totally turned upside down. Joel is not the typical picture perfect or even by the book kind of baby. He is what modern baby literature termed as ‘high need’ baby. Of course not everyone knows that and Theo’s parents complained a lot that we were responsible for him being like this. That we didn’t know how to handle him, we didn’t care enough for him, didn’t feed him enough, or clothed him warmly, didn’t provide the necessary love and attention, yada yada.

There was always a reason owing to us that explained away his constant crying and need to be carried. Granted during that period of time when he was just two to three months old, Theo and I got addicted to WOW sometime end Dec and kinda neglected Joel. But I stopped playing in Apr/May when I finally realised what a toil the game was taking on my relationship with my baby. I hope not much damage was done.

In July 2006, I finally made the move to quit my job as a financial adviser rep and joined a foreign bank working as a fund accountant. It was almost as if I had suddenly hit on my calling because I am good at my work and was quite quickly promoted and given a huge raise and bonus.

But if I was given a second chance, I would still have gone my financial advisory route because that move helped me grow up really fast and I learned most of all to stand on my two feet and not to be afraid to ask questions. In an environment where I was thrown out into the cruel society, I really grew up very fast, not to mention becoming a mother before my time.

I will finally be shifting to my new house tomorrow. Yes, after one and a half years, Theo decided at last he got enough of his own home and wants to begin living life with me and Joel. I have to make this thing work. No way I want to come back to his place EVER again.

It is amazing how i can remain this optimistic and cheerful having gone through all multitudes of criticism and condemnation from his parents. To be fair, there is nothing wrong with them. They are decent folks. But that’s just about where the line is drawn. I NEVER want to live under the same roof with them again.

Joel will be starting on the childcare program tomorrow too. We just returned from a week’s trip to Malaysia which was supposed to be a getaway from work and the dreary life in Singapore but it was really more tedious than relaxation with Joel. Theo managed to have all the fun he wanted though because Joel was effectively glued to me throughout the six days.

I know it would really be strenuous for him to go through so many changes at one shot but I really think that it would be better to let him go through one hectic period of change than to do it slowly. I mean he is already adjusted to changes over the week, another week would be fine for him.

Which brings me to my final paragraph for this entry. I was totally cheesed by my in laws’ reaction when we came back. Instead of a welcome home, how was the trip, did you rest enough, was the journey okay etc., I got a ‘Joel is really small’, ‘he has lost so much weight’, ‘what kind of parents are you?’ I felt totally wasted. I had just gone through one entire week of nonsense from Joel and did my best to look after him and that is what I get?

Later I found out the comments came because his parents visited a relative and their baby boy who is younger than Joel is so much bigger. Have they ever stopped to consider that although Joel is not a good eater and he is smaller than the average kid, he is actually more active, intelligent and sociable than most other children too? That’s it with them, they never fail to focus on the negatives instead of giving thanks and encouraging the positives. I have had it with them. Thank God I am finally moving.