On Our Own

It’s been about half a year since we moved out to stay on our own. And it has been great! I really enjoy this freedom and independence, no more parents or in laws to restrict me or make me feel miserable. Thank God everyday for the house which Theo and I are slowly building into a comfy little home.

Joel has been growing fine here too… when his mother is not stressed, he is not stressed too. Heh. He was adapting well to school until recently about a month ago… i started having to go to work about an hour earlier, and he isn’t taking the change in timing well. Getting stressed up again and crying when I leave him at the childcare. It really sucks to have to start the day like this. But nonetheless I thank God too everyday for His providence of patience and love to watch my little Jobity Jo grow.

Sometimes I think I am not a very good mother. Most mothers can’t wait to go home to spend time with their kids…. well I do miss Joel throughout the day. I love the first hour that I spend with him at the end of the day and then that’s it.

I wish he is able to entertain himself without having to attach himself to him at all moments. I dread weekends the most because there’s no childcare, no work, only him and me every single waking minute. I really need my own space but Joel doesn’t seem to get it. Oh well, this too shall pass. Maybe I should get him a pet.. or another sibling. Ha!

Oh yah! We just got our first car too and at a very good deal as well. Another thing to thank God for. It’s a nice little compact Chevrolet Aveo which we won at an auction. Well with the car, I do hope that we could include Joel in our outings… one thing for sure, we no longer need to get stuck at home all the time.

But it is going to be eating into our budget but I suppose we could still handle it. Next year when we both leave our jobs, I think we can comfortably get another grand in increment between the both of us. Work has been great! I’m blessed that my colleagues and supervisors all like me although I am kinda like a rebel with an attitude at work. I am good at what I do and I guess that gives me the confidence.

Today I just attended a wedding of my ex-colleague. The strange thing is that while sitting there among close friends of the past, I felt so incredibly small and insignificant. Maybe it’s the stigma I carry with me, that I had failed to survive the rigors of the profession, I was a dropout. I was not good for the job and couldn’t compare to the rest of them.

What a silly thought but nonetheless haunted me. I really didn’t enjoy myself. I shouldn’t have gone… why did I go??? Well if anything it was to see one person.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.