Life sucks

Work has been draining the life out of me. I have never quite been so unhappy at work for as long as I remembered. Perhaps it is the general feeling of incompetence and the constant struggle to get results. This especially in light of my manager position.

If I were a senior executive, at least that might have been forgivable. Now I cannot find an ounce of reasoning left in me to justify the position that I was awarded. I have to ask my supervisor why they decided to give me a managerial position when I obviously lacked the skills required to perform.

That in addition to the work environment and culture that I cannot conform to. Why do departments find the need to compete with one another instead of work together? Why do we keep things from our bosses from one level to another? Why do colleagues judge you so harshly the higher up the hierarchy you are? Does it make us any less human?

And it is times like this when I feel sucky at least 40% of the day that I indulge myself in mindless entertainment for the remainder of the day. I am so so glad for the hour or two that I get to spend with my children every night before sleep. It is the only thing that keeps fighting worth it. A reminder that there are other things in life other than just work.

So I haven’t been blogging. Blogging is serious work to me and with all that energy and passion lost at work, I just couldn’t bring myself to blog. Back to the mindless entertainment – I have been playing City of Wonder on Facebook and catching the entire season of The Vampire Diaries.

I have been seduced by vampire fiction for as long as I remember and it doesn’t help that entertainment media have a tendency to portray them in such sympathetic angle and those actors are downright delicious!

One thing that caught my attention was the vampire’s ability to turn off their emotions (real or not?) using their powers. I suppose to live in eternity as an accursed creature makes such an ability a necessity to make existence manageable. What about humans with sucky lives and no such powers?

I was doing my quiet time a few days ago and this really interesting question popped up. If you are guaranteed pain free success, describe five great accomplishments you would love to pursue for God. I actually had to think really hard to come up with five. Asking me what I would like to do for myself would have been much easier. So here are the five accomplishments:

1. Educate and assist the impoverished to afford a basic standard of living
2. Provide free tuition to less privileged children in Singapore
3. Educate others on holistic financial planning so they can break free from materialism
4. Help my children develop a love and passion for God
5. Write and produce a musical about a Christian’s struggle to know God and love Him

I don’t suppose they are great accomplishments but it is heavily rooted in educating people one way or another. So as I was thinking about this list, I found out that a family service centre recently relocated itself near my home. I know they offer evening student care services by volunteers. Perhaps that is an opportunity and door that God is opening for me to pursue.

I think it is time to look beyond how much my life sucks because in many ways it is already more blessed than a lot of people in the world.